As I’ve mentioned before I am an eternal optimist. I always, always always believe my thoughts create my future so yeah they’re pretty darn extreme and exciting. Which is great. For my future.
For my writing? Maybe not so much…
I’m realising I find it very difficult to put conflict into my story. As I’m now adding a line of conflict I can see its value. The problem I have is that in reality I deal with conflict head-on and get.it.GONE!
I guess if we do the whole ‘psyche assessment’ of this it would result back to a couple of things. The desire I have to make people smile and laugh (and trust me, stand-up comedian is NOT an option) while an absolute refusal to allow anyone dominion over me.
Remember that cute pic of me as a kid? I’ve added another one incase you didn’t ; p
That kid was a total sweetie and completely gullible. She didn’t really understand why or how people could hurt one another. She truly believed everyone wanted to play with her in the make believe world she created. When she got laughed at and teased it was a hell of a shock. Been the odd one out from age five isn’t fun (as so many know!). Eventually she learnt not to be so nice. Or gullible. She learnt that not all smiles are nice. And the popular kids are usually bullies. At least at her schools they were. And apparently she had a giant target on her back.
After a truly heinous third form year (year 9) she decided she’d had enough.
She ignored the ‘cool kids’ – at least to the best of her ability.
She made sure no one saw her cry in public.
She held her head high.
Now as a twenty eight year old I can chat to strangers with ease and won’t hesitate to tell ar$@holes exactly what I think of them. In a corporate style too if required *grin*.
But can I intentionally cause decent people pain? I realise they’re characters but they’re so real to me! I can put them in freaky challenging situations that they fight their way out of because I would too! But can I give them conflict? When in reality I’d drop-kick any idiot who attempted such a thing on me.
It’s an interesting experience. And I’m now insanely grateful that I based a lot of the main character on myself and my friends. I’m putting my characters between a rock and a hard place and it SUCKS
But you know what?
It makes for rather good reading….
If I can only let go of this sense of self deception. Such a strange thing, the emotiveness that is writing.