Where is a scabbard placed while riding? (still haven’t confirmed entirely… any experts out there?)
Can you rise up while riding bareback? (yes you can but use your thighs only. Using your calves gives the horse the wrong signals – including hurry up.)
Flail’s – I know them for their agricultural uses (used for threshing, to separate grains from their husks) so I was researching them as a weapon. Apparently it was originally used in Germany as a weapon and was a spiked metal bar hinged to a long (two handled weapon) wooden shaft. And this (as quoted from Wiki) is why you would/wouldn’t use a flail.
‘The chief tactical virtue of the flail was its capacity to get around a defender’s shield, by striking against the shield’s edge with the tip of the main handle. The chain, cord or hinge would then let the striking end whip around behind the shield and strike the defender a forceful blow. Contrariwise, its chief liabilities were a lack of precision and the difficulty of using it in close combat, or closely-ranked formations’
Which then led onto morning stars
And maces. The difference between these rather similar weapons is that Morning stars have spikes… Maces can have flanges or knobs but not spikes. The mace also has the dubious honor of being the first weapon specifically designed to kill humans. Ewww.
And maces led onto the very cool (yes in a sick ‘Ooo pretty weapon’ way) Chinese weapon, the Meteor hammer.
And important question… does this make sense? After a reviewer criticized my over use of pronouns (do I? Quite possibly…) I’m trying to desist over using them. If you have good suggestions as to how to avoid over use I’d love to hear them. I’m all for learning and improving *grin* And what’s too many? Anyone know? I did some extensive googling but couldn’t find any particular information which was rather frustrating. Here’s the quote, another sneak peak into my current draft of Awakening.
‘The sensation of the spiked metal head biting into Sian’s flesh made my stomach lurch and I sucked in a sharp breath. Then with the others hurried to where she lay, sprawled on her back with blood pooling about’
And before you point out that the character shouldn’t be able to feel the other characters pain, trust me, it makes sense when in context. And where would you stick the commas in this? Any comma freaks out there? I mean that in a good way, I seem to fail miserably at it ;p
That’s all for today, back to writing!! Must get this draft done.
Take care all!
Nic
Overuse of pronouns? I had that problem a ton too, including using my MCs name too much, but I didn't know how to fix it. Finally, one of my CPs, who used to be a copy-editor, gave me THE BEST advice.
Let's say I have a paragraph like this:
Joanna knew the guards were on the other side of the door. She crept just behind a turret. She could see the younger guard with the hot mustache from where she stood.
The above is an example of "narrative distancing." Even though my story is in 3rd person, it's still from my MC's perspective, so anything that talks about her thinking, seeing, hearing etc can be omitted! Check out the para without the character distancing:
Guards were on the other side of the door. Joanna crept behind a turret. The younger guard twirled his mustache.
Notice I had to keep the pronoun in the action sentence, but it came out of the two sensory sentences.
Hope this helps!
Awesome thanks Christine 🙂 I'll have a look over it with fresh eyes tomorrow 🙂
Here are some good posts on over-use of pronouns:
http://agencygatekeeper.blogspot.com/2010/03/overutilization-of-protagonist-names.html
Another tip: as you're writing, have a stack of your favourite books beside you. Take a few moments every now and then to study the sentence structure.
Repetitive use of pronouns is often a symptom of "this is this and so-and-so did that" structure, and it really helps to break in there with character thoughts and little bits of quirky narration. Remember that you're telling a story with a "voice" 🙂
As for your little example there, while there are comma issues, I think the fact that you're convoluting probably isn't helping 🙂 So:
"The sensation of the spiked metal head biting into Sian's flesh made my stomach lurch and I sucked in a sharp breath."
"The sensation of" is redundant because it's implied. Then you've got passive tense–"biting" instead of "bit"–and that halts the flow of the sentence. Finally, you switch subjects from Sian to I, so you need a comma in there–but since something nasty is happening and you want to get a feel for jerky pain, a shorter sentence might fit better:
"The spiked metal head bit into Sian's flesh. My stomach lurched and I sucked in a sharp breath."
Secondly:
"Then with the others hurried to where she lay, sprawled on her back with blood pooling about."
You're missing various subjects here.
"With the others, I hurried to where she lay sprawled on her back, her blood pooling about." See how the actions now belong to a person every time? Others, I, her. A comma separates each.
You'll get there 🙂 I will often work on various sentences seven or eight times as I edit (rock'n'roooooll :P).
You've got some great suggestions here Nicole! Good luck! Take care
x
Lucy made great comments. I'll just add a suggestion to consider nixing the "then" and "about"
I would also not obsess about "too many" pronouns. The main issue is to ensure the subject is clear. Otherwise in MHO, pronouns disappear. I once changed a novel from third to first person, and was in awe of how many pronouns exist.
Mac
Pretty interesting searches… makes me wonder what's going on in your story 🙂
WOW!! Thanks Lucy and Mac – I'll look into them each 🙂
Hi Old Kitty & Susanna – thanks for popping by 🙂
So what I've been calling a mace all these years is actually a morning star (which I'd never heard of, BTW) So much to learn!